New Year, New Considerations: Is It Time to Leave this Relationship?

Deciding whether to leave a relationship is never an easy decision, and it can be especially difficult when you are not sure if the relationship is worth saving.

Gottman Couples Therapy, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, is a research-based approach to couples therapy that can help individuals understand their relationship dynamics and make informed decisions about their future.

Five Areas to Assess When Considering If It’s Time to Go

Before making a deeply emotional decision that it’s time to leave the relationship, take time to fully assess where you are and how you got there. Here are five recommendations, broadly based on tenets of Gottman Couples Therapy, that I believe can help you assess the status of your relationship:

1. Assess the level of trust in your relationship. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and it is essential for building a sense of security and emotional connection.
2. Evaluate the level of respect in your relationship. Respect is an important component of any healthy relationship, and it is essential for maintaining a sense of mutual appreciation and connection.
3. Assess the level of vulnerability in your relationship. Vulnerability is an important aspect of any close relationship, and it involves the willingness to be open and honest about your thoughts, feelings, and needs.
4. Evaluate the level of communication in your relationship. Effective communication is essential for building a sense of connection and understanding in a relationship.
5. Consider the level of support and teamwork in your relationship. A healthy relationship involves a sense of teamwork and mutual support, and it is important to feel like you and your partner are on the same team and working towards common goals.

The Benefit of Couples Therapy

The couple may also benefit from couples therapy. I have been trained to Level 3 of Gottman couples therapy. Gottman couples therapy is a research-based approach to couples therapy that is designed to help couples improve their relationships and build strong, healthy marriages. This therapy is based on the work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman, who have spent over 40 years studying couples and identifying the key factors that predict relationship success or failure.

I ask my clients to utilize Gottman Connect to take a comprehensive assessment of the soundness of their relationship. online assessment that automatically scores a couple’s strengths and challenges. This clinical tool consists of 337 questions about friendship, intimacy, how well you know your partner, how you manage emotions and conflict, how you share your values and goals, and what gives meaning to your lives. There are additional questions about parenting, housework, finances, trust, and individual areas of concern. The questionnaire is completely confidential, fully HIPAA compliant, and your therapist will be the only person to see your responses.

The Assessment provides the framework for our treatment plan, assisting therapist and client in honing in on the key challenges, skills and interventions to promote strength in the couple’s relationship.

Eight tips to Reconnect

Here are eight ways that I use Gottman couples therapy to help a couple reconnect:

1. Improving communication: One of the key goals of Gottman couples therapy is to help couples improve their communication skills. This includes learning how to listen actively, express needs and wants effectively, and resolve conflicts in a healthy and constructive way. By improving communication, couples can better understand each other and build a stronger connection.
2. Managing conflicts effectively: Gottman couples therapy helps couples learn how to manage conflicts effectively, rather than letting them escalate into bigger problems. This includes learning how to stay calm and respectful during arguments, identify the underlying issues behind conflicts, and use healthy problem-solving skills to resolve disputes.
3. Building emotional intelligence: Gottman couples therapy helps couples develop their emotional intelligence, which is the ability to recognize and manage their own emotions and the emotions of others. This includes learning how to express emotions in a healthy way, understand the impact of emotions on relationships, and use emotional awareness to build stronger connections.
4. Strengthening emotional connection: Gottman couples therapy helps couples strengthen their emotional connection by teaching them how to build emotional intimacy and trust. This includes learning how to share vulnerable thoughts and feelings, express appreciation and admiration for each other, and support each other through tough times.
5. Enhancing intimacy: Gottman couples therapy helps couples enhance their intimacy by teaching them how to create a sense of closeness and connection. This includes learning how to be physically and emotionally intimate with each other, communicate about their desires and boundaries, and create a sense of shared meaning and purpose.
6. Developing healthy coping skills: Gottman couples therapy helps couples develop healthy coping skills for managing stress and difficult emotions. This includes learning how to manage stress in a healthy way, develop a support system, and use healthy self-care practices.
7. Creating shared meaning and purpose: Gottman couples therapy helps couples create a sense of shared meaning and purpose in their relationship. This includes learning how to identify and articulate their shared values and goals, work towards common objectives, and support each other in achieving their individual goals.
8. Building commitment: Gottman couples therapy helps couples build commitment and a sense of mutual dedication to their relationship. This includes learning how to make long-term plans and investments in the relationship, show appreciation and support for each other, and work through challenges together.

Ultimately, the decision to leave a relationship is a personal one and it is important to carefully consider the factors that are important to you. By using the recommendations outlined above, you can gain a deeper understanding of your relationship and make a sound decision. Gottman couples therapy can be a helpful resource for individuals who are struggling to understand their relationship dynamics and make informed decisions about their future.

If you are struggling in your relationship and are considering couples therapy, consider seeking out a couples therapist trained in the Gottman method to see if this approach is right for you.

I provide a complimentary 15-minute consultation to see if I may be the right fit and can be of service. You can reach me at 954.247.8120, or https://theintegraltherapist.com/appointment-request/